Script from my 2017 talks on “Hope,
Help & Happiness”
Ian Marshall – Introduction for event organiser
Ø Ian says he knows himself well,
although there are always surprises, and although his life is not as he thought
it would be, he is overall “Happy” most of the time. What he must always have
is a plan and activity to work on towards a goal
Ø Ian wants to help people adapt
themselves to become the people they want to be, to find hope and happiness and
that doesn’t always come from changing
the world – as Ian says “it often comes’ from changing their perception of it.”
Ø Wanting more is human nature, better
relationships, more money, excitement or just more peace and quiet – less
stress.
Ø Ian says that we are exposed to many
guru’s, motivational speakers, money making experts and lifestyle specialists
all saying “this is what you need to be happy”. But, not all of us want to seek
fame and fortune and reality says most of us want to live a “normal” happy
life– whatever that means to us.
Here is Ian on the topics of Hope, Help & Happiness
I’m in the
hope and happiness business, no not as an entertainer but as a coach helping
people overcome life challenges and to find more happiness and success in their
life.
My mantra is
“Bringing
your life to LIFE” Specifically,
helping those people who have become overwhelmed stressed out and conversely for
those who have become bored and the colour has gone out of their life. This
applies to both the home and work.Or if you
have avoided these feelings so far this will help you cope with them in the
future.
It’s said
that one in four of us will experience some form of mental illness each year.
Looking back
over the last 1000 years, conditions of depression, melancholy, and suicide
were then often considered a wrong, an embarrassment to others, something to be
feared, a weakness dismissed by some as attention seeking and only recognised
by a few as a real issue.Religions
took their stance in the main blaming the individual for depression – this is
life get on with, it will be better in the next world.
Just over a 100 years ago psychology, as we know it today in
the Western World, developed and has progressed dramatically. Mental illness
and moods are much better understood today but with still a million miles to go
to understand the complexities of the brain. For too many, mental illness has a
stigma and low social acceptance and understanding.About the same time as modern psychology came along so did modern
marketing and along with that we have created new problems;
We are sold unhappiness:
We are constantly told that we need more. The media and
marketing industry is largely built upon making us dissatisfied with our life.
We are constantly fed visions of disaster and fear – we are made to feel
insecure.
In the UK we are by most measures a safe place to live most
of the time so why this constant barrage of negativity. We are told we need a better
car, bigger better home, exotic holidays, to improve our image with brands to
support the perception that we have of who we are.
Now I am equally motivated by wanting more but along the way
I have learned to find hope and happiness in what I have today and I believe
that, wherever you are in life, regardless of
your circumstances, you have the capacity to be happy.
I help people at that time in their life when they have come
to a point where they can’t see a future that they want, some may not see a
future at all. This can be the result of
many things such as poor or broken relationship, job and career problems,
health concerns or feelings of isolation and no longer having meaning or
purpose in their life. Sometimes those that have ideas are frustrated about
how to move forward and are in many ways disabled simply by their thought
process.
Recognising these challenges can and do happen to all of us
at some time but as we get older we can get worn down and we find it
increasingly difficult to cope. The colour has gone from our life and finding happiness
illusive.
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS
What I have learned from my life and the many people I have
met and those I have helped is that happiness is never far away. Sure, horrible
things happen and despite your best efforts to find and achieve goals you will get
knocked of course.
Events and people cause you to change direction and yes there
is luck in this world. Importantly we need to accept that things, jobs,
relationships come and go and for the most part we have little control over
them.
Now let’s talk about a
new kid on the block –
Positive Psychology:
The field of Positive Psychology was formally explored and
developed at the end of the last century, the 1990’s – still a baby but such an
important approach. Already so much of what has come from that is scientifically
validated.
One factor is that we are genetically programmed for a level
of happiness (or being bloody miserable). Without intervention it means that
good or bad things happen to us and within a period of time we revert to our
old selves. Research suggests our norm is 50% of potential with day to day life
moving us 10% either way but we can act and think in ways to heighten our
happiness well beyond that 10%
Now with that knowledge what can we do is to improve our
level of happiness. Happiness is a subjective state and means different things
to different people so in the words in the philosopher Socrates some 2,500
years ago you need to “Know yourself”. This is something I spend a lot of time
with people – finding what is right in their life and building upon that. And
yes, in time you can change your base level of happiness by changing the way
you think.
Importantly I find most people are capable of much more than
they ever thought possible.
A client of mine was for all intents and purposes seen to be
happy. Loving husband, children at university and she was living a good
lifestyle – money wasn’t an issue but she had become unhappy. What is the point
of me, my husband is away for most weeks at work and my children independent?
She had in many ways lost her identity – she needed to re-invent herself and
find new meaning and purpose in her life.
A love of hers was gardening and hers was beautiful, often
commented upon by friends and neighbours. When we first met she was very down
and unlike her garden the colour had drained out of her life. We discussed all
the past successes in her life with an early career, her children and the
lifestyle she had but what for the future?
The one thing obvious to me that she was bright and capable
but needed direction, a goal to achieve – what better way forward than to do
what she loved, gardening and in particular garden design. She decided to take
a course in garden design and along the way created some gardens for her
friends and by the end of her course has started a small business when her
friends introduced their friends.
This took off into all sort of new experiences, from
involvement in the local business community, to giving talks and to designing
evermore ambitious projects. Within a year she had transformed and found
happiness along the way.
An area that has been very close to me is helping people when
they become redundant, sometimes necessary but in my view often not. It
destroys many people, wastes talent and experience and so often doesn’t solve
the organisation’s problems. I’ve worked a lot in this area over the years and
in my early conversation I say to people that the only way forward is for you
to see this as “an opportunity”.Now, this is hard to take on when often you feel you have
been wronged. This message becomes very sour when those individuals who
willingly took redundancy find some 6 months down the road they can’t find
another job. The hard fact here is that if what you are doing isn’t working
then you need to do something different – that applies to so many parts of our
life.
Equally there are those who have brilliant ideas, are
motivated and committed but it’s not working. Sometimes it is lack of skills
and knowledge – sometimes it is because what they are trying to do is not
aligned with who they are and what they really want out of life.
On my website www.mejma.com you can download my free decision
wheel. I have some copies of the wheel here but you will have to go to the site
to get the full guidance notes - you can each fill one out in a while, it’s a
great place to start a conversation. What it does do is to provide you with a
snapshot of how you see the broader aspects of your life today – you will
undoubtedly change it when you give it more thought.
Another free thing on my site is your Strengths Survey. We
all have 24 strengths with the top five dominating our daily lives, a few at
the bottom we rarely use with the rest we use as and when we feel the need. The
survey is online and if you chose you can let me have a copy to go through with
you – there are no right or wrong answers.
Now, both of these tools are part of a much broader process
to help you move forward and “Bring your
life to LIFE”. Where we do have control is how we react to events and that
is important. I’m not saying it is easy, why should it be, but we have to get
up and find hope for the future.
We need to find new goals, people to help and support
us and then to take action on each new journey and find happiness along the
way. As Taoists have said
“The Journey Is The Reward”
Or as quoted from the essays of writer Robert Louis
Stephenson “to travel hopefully is a better thing than to
arrive”.
Throughout my life I have found most people are interesting
and that they have a good story to tell wherever they come from – importantly
people can achieve much more than they think possible.
Although we, as a society, put celebrities on pedestals much
real value is found in “normal” people, the 95% of us that live with integrity
and purpose valuing their family, friends, work and our contribution within
society.
I created the Mejma Experience programmes to help people when
setting their own life goals:
Make your life Mejma
Ø Meaningful - having real importance and value to
you
Ø Emotional - creating the feelings that drive your
beliefs and values
Ø Justifiable - a reason that makes you take action
Ø Motivational - the reason that drives you to take
action
Ø Altruistic - a concern for the welfare
of others.
Q & A.
I have one question for you – What Do
You Really want?
You have the capacity to be happy – I
can help you find the hope and happiness you deserve.
If you would like to know how I can help you please talk to me.
In closing:
Hope motivates us
Help is needed to give and receive
Happiness - it’s our goal for life
Thank you and I do hope this has helped those who need it to
“Bring your life to your
LIFE”.
-Close-
For full information on the Mejma Experience please see
www.mejma.com
To see how I can help you please contact me 01962 809554
email:
ian@mejma.com
