Monday 28 November 2016

Over 40 - No Longer Needed?

Over 40 - No Longer Needed?

“You can have a great and happy future – just sometimes life gets in the way!”

Ø Have you outgrown your job or your job outgrown you?
Ø Not coping with your lifestyle – I don’t fit any more?
Ø Are you one of the 1.6 million unemployed in the U.K.
Ø Had a failed marriage – typically over 100,000 couples get divorced each year?
Ø Retired without a purpose – no point in life?

However we say it we all become redundant – no longer needed. At various times in our lives we go through these periods being in the wrong place at the wrong time and for many this is a horrible experience.

“What, I no longer have value!” – well yes, at that moment in time what you have to offer is not what is needed or wanted.

Redundancy is most often the phrase we use when an employer doesn’t need us any more to do a particular job. We dress up the fact that it is the job that is no longer needed but in reality neither is the person who was doing that job.

In a relationship when your partner says “I’m leaving” you are redundant – such a cold and horrible thought but the reality is you are no longer needed by them.

Your children have grown up and making their own way in the world which is great. You have done your job but now you are not needed in the same way.

The sports team you belong to no longer chose you because of age, illness or just other better players have come along and you are no longer needed.

If you were an obsolete machine or old software no longer up to the job then making you redundant wouldn’t be a problem. But, you are human with all the feelings that come with it. Our pride, self-esteem, our security and beliefs, who we are, our place in society and where we fit in – our meaning and purpose.

Who we think we have been and who we have become can for many people be a traumatic time – our future thrown into dis-array, our values, our self-worth questioned. The fear of the unknown is very real, no longer knowing our place in our family or society. As time goes on and we get older we question “what future do I have”.

Too many people give up at this time or at least settle for someone or something just to fill the gap and no more. Dreams and ambitions dashed so often by people and events completely out of our control. Re-organisation at work, a health issue, a loss of someone close are just examples of life going wrong.

By now you may be feeling thoroughly depressed and this is the sad reality for so many people and the older we get the harder it is to fight back.

You can have a great and happy future – just sometimes life gets in the way!

Reality is that there is a new future for you, opportunities that can make you happy and fulfilled but there is a big obstacle in the way – the way you think and behave.

When something horrible happens to us if we are lucky there will be people around who can support us for a time, to help us get back on our feet. However, that support will disappear quickly as others have their lives to lead and being around someone who is miserable is unrewarding.

At some point you have to make the decision to move forward in life, take responsibility for your own future and to take action. Are you still feeling “not needed” then understand this is just how life is and we have to find the strength to re-invent ourselves. To become that person who is wanted, needed and valued and respected.

Leaving the bad past behind us is difficult but to move forward our memories must be managed. We need to find new positive things in the future, to find hope that things will be better. To find meaning in our life to take action and along the way to seek help for ourselves and offer help to others.

When you find yourself “no longer needed” just think of all the positive things that have happened to you in the past – the skills, knowledge and relationships you already have and those you will gain.

Finding the “new you” that you can believe in is a great adventure and the starting point to creating your new future happiness.

Ian Marshall
Bringing your life to LIFE

As a coach I specialise in helping people in middle years who find themselves at a crossroads in their life – sometimes over-whelmed, bored or simply lost. Helping individuals to find what it is that they really want in their life now and to explore pathways to achieve these new dreams. This is the point where I help, helping people find the future they want and the happiness they deserve.